When Your Mind Gets In The Way Of Your Heart
by AraLupus
Summary: Everyday he watches her, everyday he loves her and everyday he backs out of telling her how much he does… until it’s too late… My 1st SSMM fanfic
1. Everyday Was The Same

Title: When Your Mind Gets In The Way Of Your Heart 

Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters. I'm also not getting paid for this, I'm simply doing it for my and, hopefully, your entertainment

Summary: Everyday he watches her, everyday he loves her and everyday he backs out of telling her how much he does… until it's too late… My 1st SSMM fanfic

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Chapter 1: Everyday Was The Same…

Everyday was the same. He'd wake up in the mourning, alone, in his cold bed, wishing she and her warm body were there with him. He'd get up, put on his normal attire and push his thoughts of her to the back of his mind.

He'd go down to breakfast and sit at the end of the table on her side. He would never make it obvious, but he watched her everyday in that same spot. He'd watch her laugh at something that Albus said and he'd always feel a pang of envy run through him. He'd always find himself wishing that it was him who was putting the smile on her face. But of course that was nonsense. He berated himself every time for thinking such things. He'd never put that smile on his face, because she'd never love him. At least not in the way that he loves her.

So he'd hold his tongue for another day, not willing to let himself hope that she could love him and that she wouldn't laugh at him if he told her of his feelings.

Everyday he'd pass her in the corridor and have to suppress the feelings he had for her so he wouldn't slip up and reveal something to her. He'd have to settle for a nod of the head and the occasional smile depending on if she'd had a good day so far. And everyday he'd always give her the same polite nod back and then instantly curse him self for being so polite, and not being friendly enough towards her. 'How was she ever going to recuperate your feelings if you're always so damned polite?' he'd ask him self after every meeting with her.

Everyday was the same…

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A/N: Hey guys! This is my second Harry Potter fiction and first SSMM fiction, what do you think of it so far? I hoped you enjoyed reading it so far as much as I have writing it. Please read and review! Constructive criticism welcome.


	2. Fantasising

Title: When Your Mind Gets In The Way Of Your Heart

Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters. I'm also not getting paid for this; I'm simply doing it for my and, hopefully, your entertainment

Summary: Everyday he watches her, everyday he loves her and everyday he backs out of telling her how much he does… until it's too late… My 1st SSMM fanfic

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Chapter 2: Fantasising

He was not looking forward to this; the first staff meeting before the brats 'No, not brats, but pupils. Really, Severus, can't you let go of your hatred for them and just accept them as pupils?' Her teasing words ran through his mind at his given name for them. He found his mind wandering to her as his feet carried him automatically to the staff room.  
Minerva McGonagall. She was no ordinary woman, at least not in Snape's opinion. She was thin but not in an unattractive way. Actually, she was more slender then anything, and she curved in all the right places… his mind drifted to when he had the pleasure of seeing said curves when she had over indulged on wine at one of the staff gatherings. He could still remember the feel of her waist through her thin dress as they danced…  
He pulled himself out of his thoughts '_Damn!_' He thought to himself, '_I was fantasising about her again, I've got to stop doing that'_  
'_But she does have a nice figure'_ Said the little voice in his head where most of his lustful thoughts come from.  
'_And her hair!_' He thought to him self as he rounded a corner.  
She had thick black hair that looks stunning when it's down, but for some reason she always pulls it back into that dreadfully harsh bun. His mind was suddenly filled with fantasies of him kissing her and having her respond to him the exact same way. Her running her hands down his back as he pulled her hair out of that bun and ran his hands through it…  
"Damn it! Not again!" He said aloud to himself as he realised what he was doing again.  
"And what, prey tell, are you damning for happening again?" Asked the object of his thoughts, fantasies and affection.  
"Nothing Minerva, I just realised that I'd have to endure another year of Potter and his cohorts this year after a whole summer of freedom from him." He replied coolly, his face remaining impassive.  
"You've got to let go of your hatred for the boy sooner or later, Severus." She said, falling into pace with him as they neared the staff room.  
"I will as soon as they learn to at least concoct a simple potion without causing some sort of disturbance with the rest of the class. Especially since it means me having to take yet more house points from your beloved house. Points which I take away against my will, by the way. "Snape responded in a slightly teasing tone.  
She chuckled lightly at this, which made Snape nearly stop in his tracks, but he quickly recovered and carried on barely missing a step. He had actually made her chuckle? It was a magical sound that reverberated through his ears. That was a significant improvement to the normal nod of the head. He smiled to himself inwardly at this thought.  
They reached the staff room door and McGonagall reached for the handle, but Snape was too quick for her. He reached past her and pulled the door open for her. She smiled up at him and thanked him. McGonagall then proceeded into the staff room, he head bowed, leaving a confused Potions Master standing holding the door open, wondering why she had blushed at that simple action.  
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------A/N: This is my second chapter! Sorry I haven't updated in a while, I've been swamped in work and then I had a bad case of writers block. But still, hope you enjoy this new chapter!  
Also, if you haven't already noticed, my grammar isn't exactly top notch he he. If any one would like to beta for me I would be very appreciative. If you're interested, please email me at: Yeah he is, but how does she feel?

Roxanne: Stop giving me so many compliments woman! He he. You wanted more, well here it is! Enjoy!

Leta McGotor: Thank you for your review, I love your stories and it's a great pleasure getting a compliment on a SS/MM story from someone who has written so many themselves! I have made this chapter a bit longer, and in response to your question: he might just, you never know… but I'm not saying he is defiantly right away…maybe later on… hehe


	3. The Dark Lord Calls

Title: When Your Mind Gets In The Way Of Your Heart Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters. I'm also not getting paid for this, I'm simply doing it for my and, hopefully, your entertainment Summary: Everyday he watches her, everyday he loves her and everyday he backs out of telling her how much he does… until it's too late… My 1st SSMM fanfic

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Chapter 3: The Dark Lord Calls

Severus sat in his usual chair, closest to the door, and tuned out completely, as he usual did at these staff meetings. Albus would stand up and make the usual announcements about new staff, the new year, and changes to schedules and, of course, the 'boy-who-bloody-lived-to-piss-me-off.  
What amazed Severus the most was the fact that Albus didn't even notice that most of the other professors had also tuned out, and become oblivious to anything said He sighed inwardly when he noticed, according to the clock, there was still twenty minutes left of the meeting. He looked around subtly, looking for something to occupy his mind with. And, as was expected, he found him self starring at Minerva.  
He watched her as she listened intently to every word that Albus said. He felt another stab of envy at the innocent action. He didn't even know why he was jealous. 'Sure, she listens to everything he says, but does she blush when he opens the door for her?' asked the little voice in his head. He felt very smug at that thought, but instantly felt foolish for it as he realised that he didn't even know if she liked him in that way. 'Of course you don't know, you fool!' retorted the same little voice. 'You're too cowardly to ask and tell her how you feel! Huh, and you call your self a Slytherin, anyone could mistaken you for a Huffelpuff'  
He sighed at this, realising that the voice's outburst was true. He really should just pluck up the courage and tell her how he felt, after all, Slytherins were not cowards. But the very thought of telling her, of swallowing his dignity and admitting that the great Slytherin bat of the dungeon was in love with the head of the opposing house, tied his stomach in knots.  
In what seemed like no time at all, as times seemed to pass quickly when Severus was taking part in his favourite hobby of 'McGonagall Watching', the meeting was over and he was free to return to his rooms. He was looking forward to finally being able relax before tomorrow, when he'd have to go back to teaching those dunderheads people actually had the nerve to call 'pupils.  
Severus stood up and left as quickly as he could, stealing a quick glance of Minerva. He had wound through the corridors and down the steps to the dungeons when it happened; his forearm ignited in blistering pain, forcing him to kneel to stop him self from collapsing. Once the worse of the pain had passed, he pulled himself up unceremoniously, clutching onto the railing, before collecting himself as fast as possible. As soon as he had done this, he turned and went back the way he came to the headmasters office.  
Not long after, Severus stood in front of the stone gargoyle and said the password. As soon as it started moving, he stepped onto it and started to climb them impatiently as the slowly spun. He marched purposely towards Albus' office when he reached the top of the stairs and knocked loudly. There was a moment silent before he heard the headmaster call him in.  
"Headmaster, I'm afraid that the Dark Lor…" Severus started as he strode into the decorative office, before stopping himself when he spotted Minerva sitting in front of Albus.  
"Ah, Severus, how pleasant to see you!" Said the headmaster sincerely, the ever present twinkle in his eye still there.  
"What was it that you were saying about the Dark Lord?" asked Minerva, a slight frown gracing her face.  
"Yes well, erm, I was about to say that, unfortunately, he has just called for a meeting with his Death Eaters and I am expected to go as well." Replied Severus, a look of indifference on his face.  
Minerva suddenly looked slightly worried while Albus' face took on a grave look. It slightly surprised Severus to see Minerva worried about this, but then again, this as the first time in a while he had been called.  
"Very well, if you are prepared, then you may go. But make sure you report back to me with any new information you have"  
Severus nodded and turned to leave when he felt someone grab hold of a sleeve of his robe. He turned and looked into the eyes of Minerva. He could see a look on her face for him that he'd never seen before as she wished him good luck and to be careful. He wasn't entirely sure what that look was, but it appeared to be concern… He scoffed at this thought. She couldn't possibly care for me, she probably just doesn't want the order to lose it's only spy within Voldemort's ranks. He carried on walking towards the appiration point, hoping that one day she would harbour feelings of concern for him, not just his role within the order.  
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A/N: This is my third chapter! Sorry I haven't updated in a while, my writers block seems to have stuck with me. But still, hope you enjoy this new chapter!

I'd like to thank my first Beta, Katy, for going through this chapter with me. I expect that my grammar and spelling will be a lot better from now on :-D

Fatalkaiser- Here's where it goes from there. And I'm sorry I didn't update sooner.

Roxie- Thanks! Don't worry about many more mistakes, seeing as I have Katy Belben as my Beta now lol

Leta McGotor- Sorry, didn't mean to say so much. I just got a bit carried away lol Right. That's how I think his mind works, I think he'd have quite a sharp wit about him I'm sorry I updated quite late, like I've said, writers block seems to want to sick with me By the way, you are welcome. It was a pleasure reading your stories :-D

Cecelle- Maybe, maybe not. Don't really want to give too much away this early hehe 


	4. The Suffering Of A Spy

Title: When Your Mind Gets In The Way Of Your Heart

Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters. I'm also not getting paid for this; I'm simply doing it for my and, hopefully, your entertainment

Summary: Everyday he watches her, everyday he loves her and everyday he backs out of telling her how much he does… until it's too late… My 1st SSMM fanfic

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Chapter 4: The Suffering Of A Spy

Minerva McGonagall woke up to an urgent knocking at her door early in the morning, barely hours after she had retired for the night. She climbed out of bed and wrapped herself in her nightgown before going to answer the door. She was surprised to find Albus standing with an unusual look on his face.

"Albus, good Lord, what are you doing here so early in the morning with that look on your face?" She asked, looking quite concerned.

"I'm afraid it's Severus," he replied gravely "he's just been found outside the gates. He's not in such good shape. Pompfey is seeing him now, you can come if you want."

And, of course, she did. She quickly threw on some clothes and followed Albus to the Hospital Wing. There was no noise coming from the room as the approached it, but as soon as you opened it the screams of agony could be heard coming from within. She quickly ran over the bed and pushed the curtain out of the way, but stopped dead in her tracks when she saw him.

It had been 2 weeks since he had gone to see Voldemort and no one had heard from him. It was not unusual for him to disappear for any amount of time up to a month, but he always contacted someone within the order at least once every 2 days. McGonagall had been worried sick. She'd been convinced something had happened, and now she knew something terrible had.

He twisted and turned in agony on the bed, blood covering him and most of the bed as Pompfey and Sprout tried to restrain him. McGonagall stood there in shock while Albus went to replace Pompfey in restraining him, so she could go and retrieve a few potions from her office. When she returned, they forced him into a sitting position so Pompfey could pour the potion down his throat. The effects were almost instant. The screaming stopped and he relaxed, no longer struggling. Within seconds he was asleep peacefully.

Pompfey started cleaning the blood and sweat from his chest straight away while he was asleep. Albus' hand at her elbow snapped her out of her shock and brought her back. She walked over to his bed and looked down at him. She felt tears well up in her eyes, but she refused to cry in front of her colleagues.

"Do we know what happened to him?" She asked, composing herself and forcing the tears back.

"We can't say what has happened for sure, but it's obvious he's been tortured quite mercilessly. Also, judging by the twitching, he's been subjected to the Crutious several times."

McGonagall drew in a sharp breath when she heard this. She had seen the effects the curse had on Snape, but he's never had it more then once and never in conjunction with torture. She hoped against hope that he would be ok after this. She suddenly found herself wondering why this was done to him. Had Voldemort figured out that he had turned into a double agent? No, she shook that thought off immediately. He was too careful to get found out. And if he had been discovered, he wouldn't be alive right now…

"Minerva?" Albus asked quietly, bringing her from her thoughts.

"Hmm? Oh, I'm sorry Albus," she said.

"Quite alright, it's understandable that you should react like this. I know you were worrying about him," he said "I was merely wondering if you would like to take first leg watching him. If he wakes up in the middle of the night, we need someone to be here to administer the potions to relieve the pain."

"Oh, yes, ok," she replied. She walked over to the chair next to his bed and sat down.

Albus ushered Pompfey out of the curtains, assuring her that McGonagall would call her if he woke up. With that, McGonagall was left to watch over him and worry about what he would tell them when he woke up…

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A/N: This is my forth chapter! Sorry I haven't updated in a while, my writers block seems to have stuck with me. But still, hope you enjoy this new chapter! I'd like to thank my first Beta, Katy, for going through this chapter with me. 

madge622- Thank you, I'm glad you… well… loved it D


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